My Father

When you lose a father you feel like dying every day. First thing you think of when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you think of when you try to go to bed and you think of it all day long.  It’s one the most horrible tragedies one could possibly imagine. But if you can somehow find that inner strength through a simple sign that it’s okay, one got something to look forward to at the end of your path.

 

It’s not often that you could go behind the scene and recall the moment when you lose someone very close to you, but it happens every moment.

 

I remember one time you held me and said “What I am going to do without you in my life?” I was holding on to you and at that moment I never realize that what I will do without you? And those words would MEAN so much to me today.  

 

I was in bed and I got a feeling that something wasn’t right, I get out of the bed, I got dressed and I stood at the window looking at the cars coming and passing by, my heart kept raising by every minute hoping that everything please be okay. I was interrupted by phone ringing and my Mom saying that “Your Father isn’t well, I need you at the hospital and please be quick.” And at that moment I knew; I realized that my feeling being frantic was true.

 

I rushed to the hospital, nothing in my head just to be there as soon as I can.  And there I was, as if he was waiting for me for years, his eyes sparkle the moment he saw me. I hold his hand and said “hold on daddy, I am here, everything will be okay”. It was all the machine sounds beeping in my head & all that voices annoying me. I placed my hand to his heart, could hear his heartbeats, but soon I could felt that his heart stopped. He just closed his eyes, they came and told me that I had to leave.  I didn’t want to, I was afraid. Leaving my hand empty. Have to understand that I won’t be able to see him again. It was the end.

 

Even after 18 years I try to forget; just forget about it – I guess I can’t. It’s tough. But I treasure my Father in my heart, my soul & my entire life.

 

 

Shariqa Ahmed

Twitter: @shariqa_ahmed